I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
