i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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