this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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