Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
