So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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