I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This baby is an asshole
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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