I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
