I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
