Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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