I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
