I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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