I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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