the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
