considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
