Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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