And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
