I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
