...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
