matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
