my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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