My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
