need another drink. this is the easiest way
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
