you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
