i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
