Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
