Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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