I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
