just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
