Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I puked a lego.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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