My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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