there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
