Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
