i permit you to call me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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