Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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