My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
