A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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