I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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