Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
