i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
