I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
