FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
