Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
