i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
