It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
