you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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