That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
