Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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