the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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