singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
