I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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