This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
