I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
