therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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