I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
