Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
