then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
