You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
