Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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