Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
