fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
