Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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