so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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