i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
