my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
