I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I cockslap morals
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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