I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize