i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
