No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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