Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
