5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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