All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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