I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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