38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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