My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I died a long time ago.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
