WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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