Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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