Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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