ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
