is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
