i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
